Christians affirm and take comfort in the promise that the souls of our loved ones who have died in Christ are in heaven, free from suffering. We shall meet them in glory, and Christ will raise them up at his return (1 Thess. 4:13-18). However, not all our loved ones who have died were believers in Christ. This is true especially for first-generation Christians. Unless we adopt universalism, the promise mentioned above simply does not apply to those who have passed away as non-Christians. Can we still find comfort when our loved ones die without trusting in Christ? The short answer is yes, since God is “the God of all comfort” and he promises to “comfort us in all our tribulation” (2 Cor. 1:3-4). We may be comforted by meditating on the following truths.  

First, it is right for us to grieve over our loved ones who have died without Christ, simply because we love them and know they are suffering forever in hell. This grief is not evidence of a lack of faith. Rather, it is because of our faith in what God has told us in his word about heaven and hell that causes us to grieve for those who are in hell. Paul testified that he had “great sorrow and continual grief” in his heart for his fellow Jews who did not believe in Christ (Rom. 9:2). Jesus himself in his humanity wept for Jerusalem because of the coming judgment upon their rebellion (Luke 19:41).  

Second, we must acknowledge God’s absolute sovereignty in salvation. All men except Christ are sinners and thus are worthy of God’s judgment. God does not owe anyone saving grace. Saving grace by definition is unmerited. “Or who has first given to Him And it shall be repaid to him?” (Rom. 11:35). It is the prerogative of the sovereign God to determine from all eternity on whom he will have mercy and compassion and whom he shall harden by giving them over to their own sins (Rom. 9:15-18). God foreordained some to everlasting life for the glory of his grace and mercy, while foreordaining others to condemnation for the glory of his power and justice. Whatever God plans and does, he is always perfectly righteous (Gen. 18:25), even though his judgments may be unsearchable to our finite minds (Rom. 11:33). We can trust in God’s righteousness, wisdom, and goodness, even though we do not understand why God did not choose them for salvation. When, and only when, we recognize that God is absolutely sovereign and righteous in his decree to save some and not others, we can be protected from bitterly questioning why God did not save our loved ones. Instead, we will humbly and gratefully rejoice that we who are no less sinful and condemnable are elected and saved.  

Third, there will be no more sorrow in glory and the new heavens and new earth. A legitimate question may be raised: If we go to heaven without seeing our loved ones there, knowing that they are in hell, would we not grieve forever in heaven? The truth is that we shall be fully comforted and delighted in Christ when we enter into glory. To depart from the world and be with Christ is “far better” (Phil. 1:23), says Paul. The state of glory cannot be described as far better if there is still any grief. When Christ returns and brings the new heavens and new earth, God will “wipe away every tear” from our eyes, and there shall be “no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying,” because “the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4).  

Revelation 19:1-2 says that the souls of the saints in heaven praise God for his righteous judgment upon the wicked: “After these things I heard a loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, saying, ‘Alleluia! Salvation and glory and honor and power belong to the Lord our God! For true and righteous are His judgments.”’ When Christians, through death, enter into glory, their souls will be so perfectly sanctified and renewed that they shall focus wholly and delightfully on the manifestation of God’s glory. While they will not mercilessly gloat over the suffering of unbelievers in hell (Ezek. 33:11), they will nonetheless rejoice in the glory of God’s justice displayed through the righteous judgment of God upon the unrighteous. 

Fourth, God himself is our ultimate comfort. As much as we can and should desire for our loved ones to be saved, their eternal destiny is not the ultimate source of our comfort, but God himself. Psalm 63:3 says, “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Nothing, not even the salvation of our loved ones, can be compared with God himself who has poured his covenant lovingkindness upon us. In this life, though we grieve the permanent loss of and separation from our loved ones who died outside of Christ, we may and should be comforted by the assurance that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God in Christ (Rom. 8:39).